If our gender reveal in February didn’t confirm it our anatomy scan on Friday the 20th sure did. Are we having another girl? Yes! Are we disappointed? Absolutely not! And if you are wondering why I would answer such silly questions…trust me I feel very propelled to right now. So today we are going to talk about Gender Disappointment and the lack of it we are experiencing here in the Luna household.
When we found out we were pregnant with Layla but did not yet know her gender we were just excited to finally be pregnant. Some may know but we tried for a little over a year and a half. Needless to say a boy or girl would have sufficed. Getting pregnant with baby number two was very close to the same process with Layla. I have always thought that having one boy and one girl would be cool, however, I can honestly say that neither I nor Jonathan cared.
There was never that “If it isn’t a boy, we’ll try again” or the “It has to be a boy I don’t want another girl.” In fact, we thought it would be really cool to see Layla with a sister because she seems to have that natural gravitation to other girls. Of course that makes sense since she loves Elsa and Ana from Frozen, duh! When we went to find out what baby number would be I did think it was a boy. This pregnancy was so different than my pregnancy with Layla that I was positive it had to be. Plus, I did those gender predictor tests like the Chinese calendar and the ring test. With Layla they both said girl and with this pregnancy they both said boy.
Nevertheless, I was excited to find out what we would get to call our second and last baby. Would it be Leona or Leonidas? The anticipation definitely ate me up but once we found out I was so ecstatic. I remember lying in bed with Jonathan after our gender reveal and asking him if he was happy. Without hesitation he smiled and said yes. There were no hints of disappointment in either of our smiles that night and there never will be.
I’ve heard a lot of people ask couples or expecting mothers, “What do you want it to be?” I’ve been asked the question too. My husband and I always answered the same thing. “Either way it doesn’t matter, we are just happy to have another baby.” And we mean it. But why do we ask expectant women that? I know that I’ve asked out of curiosity but I have never anticipated that there would be disappointment to follow if they did not get what they were hoping for.
Gender disappointment is a real thing. Thankfully we don’t feel it in our household but I guess it is very common. I do not understand it fully but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. I think the key point here is that we should not put any sort of emotional weight on a baby’s gender. Who cares if the baby is a boy or girl? Won’t you love it the same? I almost feel like people wishing for certain genders don’t feel that the opposite gender will be enough. I’m sure everyone feels differently and maybe it’s just a preference for experiencing one of each gender but I can say one thing with certainty, my daughter is amazing. I would not trade her or change her for one second. I do not feel that her sex determines her worth. I still don’t feel that way about Leona. I’ve only prayed and hoped for healthy children and I will continue to do that for other momma’s that I know and care about.
You also have a lot of people that may ask you, “Well then you must try for another!”….yeah Karen I am so sorry to tell you but heck no. My hubby and I know that two kids is our limit. Not to say that there is anything wrong with having more children but for us two is perfect. I see it as I have two eyes, two arms, and two ears; any more kids to watch would probably make me go off the deep end. I’ve learned patience with Layla and I will learn more with Leona and that will be enough for me! Financially, emotionally, and mentally it just makes sense for us.
I guess the moral of the story here is that if this perspective hasn’t helped share some inner thoughts of a momma-to-be that you should consider what words and questions can translate to. When you ask me if I want to try for a boy or if I am sad/disappointed that it’s another girl I really hear “Your second daughter isn’t enough, you should try for a boy” or “Girls suck, boys are the only life fulfilling beings that you can bring into the world.” That may sound extreme to some but as a mom that’s just the honest truth. Don’t make women or couples feel like gender is important to define their happiness. A new life is just as beautiful as the next. I cannot wait to meet my second little girl and complete my family.