Let me start by saying that I am not a New Year Resolution type person. I don’t look forward to December 31st and the clock counting down until midnight to magically become this new person. I choose to live by the idea that I can change anything about myself or about my life at any point in time. This has been my way of life for almost 3 years now.
I think it’s fair to say I adopted this concept right when I was at the beginning of my motherhood journey. Layla was about to be born and I remember thinking to myself, “what if I’m not a good mom?” Many parents ask themselves that but I really wondered what I would do if I wasn’t fulfilling my expectations for myself as a parent. But then I remember also thinking to myself, “I can always try again.” I realized that at any point in time I could change what I didn’t like. I could adjust my parenting style, the way I handled situations, and I had the power to direct the type of memories I wanted my family to have. Why not apply that same ideology to the other aspects of my life?
That style of living has made me a more optimistic person. It’s made me realize that I truly hold the key to my future. This is why I think the lessons I have learned from 2020 have been so deeply rooted in bettering my quality of life overall.
Lesson #1: It’s okay to take things at face value.
For a long time I tried to interpret what people meant. I tried to put their words, actions, or notions through a process of dissection and amending. this process can be tiresome but most importantly, it can lead to false representations of the things you are actually being shown. People will show you who they really are in times of high stress or in scenarios that make them vulnerable. I.e. when a disagreement occurs, someone is physically impaired by alcohol, or when someone is uncomfortable and lashes out. Some may disagree with what I’ve said but I can attest to this through my own experiences.
Whenever a disagreement occurs it is almost natural to use negative defense mechanisms that make you feel empowered even if there is no need to take this stance. It is easier to let your emotions and fears get the best of you than it is to set your ego aside and actively listen to the opposing party. this holds true to the same experience when someone is in an uncomfortable situation where you are more likely to be influenced to say or do something that is against your true desires for the sake of saving face. And do we really need to go into being Impaired by substances like alcohol? Let us just summarize this point by referring to and old but true saying, “Drunken words are sober thoughts.” The moral of this lesson is that people will show you their true intentions through the things that they say and do. It is up to you to decide if you will acknowledge what you are shown and make decisions from that point or if you will take on the task of trying to decipher someone else’s signals.
Lesson #2: Live with intention.
This lesson was something that quarantine primarily taught me. There were many times being cooped up at home felt like too much. I felt like the good moments I should’ve been having throughout the year were ruined by the pandemic. The uprise of emotional frustration throughout the many phases of the year became numbing. I failed to realize just how intentional it all made me, until now. I learned to say what I meant even if it ruffled a few feathers. I reminded myself to stay true to my beliefs and remain firm in my values. The best part was that I stopped allowing things and people into my life that didn’t serve any positive purpose. Sure this wasn’t the easiest thing to do. There have been times I’ve doubted the decisions I’ve made but I have also reaffirmed that those decisions were the right ones when I look around and see a qualitative life filled with people I know truly love me. That is why I choose to live intentionally with all that I do, from cleansing myself of negative variables in my life to finding closure by just letting things go.
Lesson #3: Don‘t let doubt get the best of you.
Like I said earlier, I’ve doubted some of the decisions I’ve made through the previous year. I Let gaslighting from certain individuals and my own worries overshadow some of the things I did. Even though I knew it was best for me or my family I couldn’t help but feel I might be in the wrong. Not only did I question myself but I started to believe I was incapable of making the right calls. It took a lot of introspection and self healing to start to gain my confidence back. The time I spent working on my own demons was well worth it though.
Needless to say, I grew a lot throughout the struggle. I planted seeds and harvested the bounty that made me courageous in moments of turmoil, centered in unsettling circumstances, and confident in my own life course. It isn’t about how big of a change you are looking to make going into the new year, it’s about how long you are willing to go before you make that change. You deserve to be happy and to feel free. Why wait to do what is necessary to reap that reward? The choice is truly yours.