My husband and I just celebrated 5 years of marriage but today we celebrate 9 years of partnership and love. I‘ve often wondered how time has gone by so fast but I realize it’s just been so beautiful that I must’ve lost track of time somewhere along the way. It is only when these milestones and dates reoccur that I get to count just how long it’s been. 3,285 days and we haven’t broken. The 9 tips I’ve put together just might have something to do with our longevity.
1. Talk it out.
- Jonathan and I talk out the good, the bad, and the very ugly. Even when it’s hard to hear we know that we can keep an open and honest dialogue with each other. It isn’t always an easy or perfect process but the job gets done and we always get to confide in one another which makes for a very understanding dynamic.
2. Pull the same weight but don’t be scared to pick up the slack.
- We’ve both realized over our trials and tribulations that as much as we equally share the load that is life, that carrying extra weight is normal sometimes and should not be seen as a weakness on the person with the lighter load. There have been days where I couldn’t carry what I took on and Jonathan without question picked it up and vice versa. This makes us stronger each and every time we get the opportunity to remind each other we are never doing it alone.
3. Dream big and know when to stay grounded.
- I like to reach beyond the stars but that has led to plenty of disappointments in my past. I’ve learned through Jonathan and his patience that it’s okay to reach for the moon but land among the stars sometimes. Eventually, we will get there.
4. Don’t judge, even when you don’t understand.
- Any couple at some point in their relationship will face changes and adversity that may be hard to cope with. Depression, anxiety, emotional distress, or just plain growing pains can make us feel out of place individually but especially as a couple. When we don’t understand our partner’s perspective we might feel inclined to tell them to just get over it or that everything will be okay. However, this is not always the most conducive way to be supportive. We have to remember that other people’s perceptions are their own realities. Jonathan and I make it a point to support even when we don’t know how. There is no perfect science to it but if you clear any judgement or negative feelings going into those hard moments you are almost always guaranteed a better success at making it through. You’ll learn how to navigate along the way.
5. Give each other time to grow.
- I think the hardest part of being together for long periods of time and in a relationship that exceeds 4-5 years is that we sometimes expect people to stop growing and therefore anticipate them to stay the same after we feel they’ve grown to their fullest potential. The thing is, we never stop growing. We never stop changing but we can impede the growth of our partner if we put that expectation on them.
6. Cheer each other on even when your scared.
- One year for my birthday I wanted to do the Stratosphere jump which is a quick harnessed decent off of the Las Vegas Stratosphere standing at 1,149 feet tall. Jonathan hates...and I mean HATES heights and refused to even take me to the building as he was 99.9% sure I would die in front of him if he even waited at the bottom. Despite this fear he knew it was important to me and something I had been wanting to do. He eventually came around to the idea and cheered me on at home while I went with a relative with a birthday near mine. I still got to accomplish my dream with his support and we’ve carried that through our relationship.
7. Be kind to one another.
- This is a huge one for me. In 9 years, with almost half of that being in our teenage/young adult lives, Jonathan has never called me a name or talked down to me. Sure we’ve had plenty of arguments but not one of them has included him demeaning me in any way. I’ve called him a few names that I am not proud of but he’s never sunk to that level with me. Kind words are the base of a respectful relationship and I’m glad we’ve been able to keep that in mind even in the heat of the moment.
8. Listen genuinely and clarify miscommunication.
- I will start of by saying that I love to talk. Jonathan prefers to listen. Even with this as our dynamic I still make it a point to hear him when he does talk and to clarify areas that seem fuzzy. It is important for anyone to feel like they are heard when they talk, especially when in a committed relationship that can thrive off of good communication.
9. Remind them why they love you and don’t forget the small things.
- I don’t need Jonathan to tell me that he loves me. As nice as it is to hear I feel it on a daily basis when he opens the door for me, holds my hand and makes me walk on the inside of the sidewalk or walkway (so if something happens he can protect me), and especially now when he is the best dad I could envision for my children. He actively supports me and never puts gender roles on what he “should and shouldn’t” help with. We both do the dishes. He cooks me dinner when I get home late or just because he knows I’ll be hungry. He does the laundry...frankly because I would probably destroy all of our clothes if he left it up to me! He does things that aren’t expected and does them without the thought of reward. I love him for that and for many other things. The fact is that he still reminds me each and every day just why I fell in love with him in the first place.
Some of these tips may not be right for other couples but I truly believe they are what has made us successful in overcoming the hard times and enjoying the good times. We’ve learned that nothing is perfect. Neither of us are and neither is our relationship but it works for us. We continue to strive and be better for each other and for our family. 9 years is nothing compared to the future I see with my husband but it has been an amazing start to the forever I know we will have.